I’m undecided, I understand it.
Fear of making a mistake,
that hurt me.
Because of my past,
I have not chosen,
I didn’t trust my feeling enough.
Now I’m here writing poems,
instead of doing what I would like,
instead of doing what I should.
I only choose you now that I can’t do it.
I say it for a million times,
I prepare the supplies.
And I would say it until I die,
I’m sorry, I wasn’t strong enough.
Yet only now do I understand so many things,
I choose now, that I have understood them.
I decide, every time endless.
I’ve been my own catch,
I wanted to say how I felt,
because of my past, I was not instinctive.
Too thoughtful …
How bad will I have done? In punishment.
But that’s enough …
I choose you now,
even if we don’t talk to each other.
I understood everything,
I miss you, mind you.
It doesn’t matter now,
it is another from the past, which we close.
Maybe it wasn’t the time for us,
but we thank you.
My present and past.
I care so much about these things,
that I have changed.
And it’s the fault of a trauma,
left by another “whore”.
I no longer believed in myself,
because of that plot.
And now I lose what I care so much more,
life is strange.
I had never hated it,
now because of what happens today,
I think there will be a first time in life.
It will also be the last:
fucking uphill road.