Italian version here.
We shouldn’t depend on anyone or anything, we should create our own independence.
One Sunday, I went out, despite the bad weather, and the sudden cold that hit our land gave me a bit of a cold.
However, that day I walked towards the tiny station of my town, and I walked into the adjacent green space. There, there is an abandoned hut, which, I suppose years ago, must have been the station it used to be. In fact there, you can see some equally abandoned rails.
It is not an atypical scenario in these parts: much is abandoned and never demolished or replaced. There are houses that are collapsing on their own.
However, I realized that something was missing, something important.
It had been a week since I sent THAT message, the one that had started to make me stop feeling bad, nagging me.
As I had widely expected, I had received no response. But I don’t want to lie: I hoped for a little and I still hope for it.
Obviously, it’s not that I counted on it.
But, as my friend had suggested, I thought I’d send him, hoping that “after all this time”, we’ve all put a stone on it.
Perhaps, except me, who still hope that things will change, instead of having yet another way to move forward, and the same answers.
Bah! Maybe I’m really an idiot.
But, in addition to wanting his answer, to reconcile, I also had another desire: to get better.
So, while I persisted in reaching the point that you will see in the featured image of this article (I put it back at the end, so if you want, you can save it), I was thinking about what was missing to stop feeling bad, to get angry.
So I understood that I shouldn’t depend on her answer, on her, on anyone.
That I wanted independence of thought, of feeling, of everything.
So, I would like to be surprised by life, without waking up in the morning, looking at the phone disappointed, without any message.
Without HER, message.
In short, by stopping to think about it, it could be that life really surprises me, that what I want will happen, and work on other things, easier … to control.
Even if more difficult, to do, paradoxically.
However, at least you know that day after day, you are getting closer to a goal.
And not only that: to stop feeling bad about it, and thinking about it, I also had to do another thing: let go of not only the anger and pain, but also the positive things.
I had never thought about it before, ever.
It will never be immediate or obvious, but it starts somewhere.
Always hoping that things improve, that what has been lost will be found again.
In short, I am winning my independence, in everything, even if it is never immediate.
But the way is now, clear.
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