Every Monday, at 21:00 a “White paper”. That is a “sheet” in which I write what I think, something about my life, reflections and thoughts. Something semi-autobiographical, indirect stories of my life.
We’ve been here for too many years, always thinking about the same things, always the same cravings … but maybe, I was wrong in a way, maybe I shouldn’t have focused on something else.
We always say the same things to each other at the beginning of the year, then it would be enough for me to say “let’s hope it doesn’t end like this” …
32 New Years have passed, and many were similar to each other, to experience someone different I had to live in Bologna, otherwise it’s always the same old story between relatives, in short.
Which today suits me perfectly, since I don’t have all the priority of moving between one usual story and the other, or in the middle of the course, as well as all the other fucking evenings.
But you see, my friend, my friend, in the end the good resolution, the real one, perhaps … is not the object, but simply how to get there. We know we want better lives, but how much do we do to see it realized in life? Perhaps very little, given that here, there is someone who thinks that to change their life it is enough to read a book and leave the house.
Yes, well, it’s not that bad, too bad that when you go out, you are always the same (jerk).
Yes, in short, so little as this world makes us believe is not enough to get better, right? Like saying that you just need to find a guy with a good bank account … but then you don’t love him. What kind of life would that be? Mah. Not to mention how many risks you run if one realizes it or you make a family … what nonsense.
No, good intentions cannot now be too superficial: it is not enough to say: “a job, money, love” …
My good resolution? A better life, in all respects: this is also writing here, to name just one of many.
I have already started cleaning, I have already decided to stop hearing that bullshit heard so many times, that I fear my ears will seep it, making me deaf for a while, like Hawkeye.
So tired of hearing the same bullshit for years, thrown up by the same people who say they want to improve, but then they don’t do shit, and no: it’s not enough to quit smoking, it’s not enough to find a decent job, or the ones of your dreams .
Getting better and better means dedicating yourself every day to every single aspect of your life, or most of it.
Do you think that it is enough to put the room in order? No. Because it is not enough to do it, you have to grasp the meaning, and I realize that in my activity of thought and reflection, unlike what many have thought, it was not a bad thing.
I have dedicated myself to the depths of myself, I have never been superficial, but I have always considered the aspects of things, of people, so I am creating constant improvement day after day, small, but which ALWAYS exist.
So I am removing some vices, some distractions, I combine less “messes”, in short, it matures step by step.
I think I’ve found a way, my way to proceed, to get out of my way. I have the desire to go away, and the certainty that I will, I only know that it will not be immediate, I have only begun the path that will take me where I want to go.
Yes, in a better life.
A life in which I am as autonomous as possible, or completely, in which I can look in the mirror without remorse or regret, knowing that every day I do my best, without having to think about the past, without being a “Peter Pan”.
I hated my adolescence and childhood.
I remember some asshole who teased me years ago, laughing when I said I “didn’t have a childhood”, and it was true, and that’s why I didn’t like it. I didn’t like being isolated and taken for a ride by everyone, so that in some ways it still exists, and even if it is a “speck”, it continues to annoy me.
One of the many small or big reasons to go away.
So, only one good resolution: it is to feel better than before. Without being in any uncomfortable situation anymore. They told me that I was too much in a “comfort zone”, but after so many years I realize two very important things that I am telling you here:
1) In life, you pass from one “comfort zone” to another, and before becoming them, they were uncomfortable. Then, it is the former ones that become uncomfortable situations.
2) It is also thought all too often that only negative situations and / or experiences make them grow. But like light and dark, here too one thing needs the other. The good is understood after the bad, and vice versa but … it is built from what makes you feel good and what you want to make you happy, right? After all, if we are in a situation of well-being, what harm is there? If you are able to grow and thrive in them too? Isn’t that one of the goals of all humanity? If you find a situation in which you can grow, feeling well, what’s the harm?
So yes, enough of everything that causes me such discomfort, to make me think for too long, well, yes …
Fuck a lot of things and people, right?
Happy New Year.
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